ME. I have had a rather nasty and unpleasant exchange with one of my students, and wanted the few who actually read these posts to comment/discuss/advise. The basic cause was a post in which my teaching of a class was observed, logged, and portrayed as long-winded, boring, and divergent (I grant readily that I can be all of those things). This was posted two days after a most successful concert in which I THOUGHT the ensemble's feeling tone was very warm and generous-both towards the program I've created and towards me.
The point, to me, is not the offense the post caused me (more on this later) but the fact that such things can be publicly posted and read by anyone. The further point(as I challenged the student and asked for the removal of the offending post from the internet-a request that was granted-)is that, as the incident escalated, I was accused by the parent of being self-serving and interested only in retaining my job; that I was "self-absorbed" and "pitiful." Ouch.
I wish to place before the public eye: I stay on this job because:
1. I love to do it-I learn so much every day about conducting, people, and the wonderful art I have dedicated my life to,
2. I love to live in Three Rivers,
3. I am REALLY interested in having kids experience the performance of great music
4. I DO feel that I enjoy the love and support of most of my students-I really LIKE that!
I guess I want comment on the fact of public criticism. Should people be allowed to publicly embarrass a person simply because they feel they can/should? Is there any control to this kind of thing that is appropriate? Where does free speech leave off and where does character assassination begin? Certainly, this student didn't mean to start this thought process off, but it is started now.
Part of this is fueled by the ease with which a student can destroy a career (not the case here-this kid meant NOTHING of the sort-, but certainly happening in Tulare and countless other districts). Part of it is fueled by my continuing doubt that music really IS a valuable subject for study in public schools; I mean, I love it and I have learned much from it...does that generalize?
As to the personal side: Reader, you may relate. I read the post in question, responded too quickly, didn't keep it in perspective, etc. Hit "send" on the response without thinking. BUT, it's been 36 hours now and I am STILL obsessing about it. Why can't I just take discontented "customers" in stride? Not everyone is going to love me or my subject. I don't know why I don't get this...I see other adults able to shrug stuff like this off easily. Am I ever going to learn how to take criticism without going crazy and over-reacting?
I was advised to "just leave." I don't want to do this; I want to fight for music in my little town. It seems like a worthy quest. But when one fights, one DOES get people mad. How will I ever learn to live with this and not have an ulcer???
6 comments:
Wow, I am sorry for what happened! The Internet is a wonderful "tool" and also and dangerous one at times. There's no one who "polices" blogs (and would we want that anyway?), so things can just be said without any thought as to how it might affect someone else.
As for responding to criticism... I wish I had some words of wisdom. When you're in a public position (teacher, pastor, leader) you're "fair game" (it seems) for all kinds of criticisms (truthful or not). It's easy to say "just ignore it" but deep down it does really hurt.
So, from someone who does appreciate what you do and the impact you have on your students and colleagues... thank you. You do a great job! I don't know how you get music out of them, but you have a way of bringing out the best in them, and that is remarkable.
Bandguy,
You bring up so many questions that public people have to deal with, and there is no road map because you will never satisfy everyone. That is the beauty and curse of teaching, what works for one will not work for another and will offend a third. The skill of teaching is to morph the lesson into something that fits each individual. And lately we have to think of the parents also, not so in the past.
I have more thoughts, but must be away to torment, err, educate the youth of our hamlet. I shall return.
Would it make you feel better to know that Steve has been lectured on what a loser baseball coach he is by more than one player? I'm sure these young men are going to go on to be the next Curt Schilling (she says sarcastically). And no matter what his fellow coaches say, it still hurts and it still makes him reevaluate the way he does things, and that's not necessarily a negative....keeps him on his toes. But don't let a few disgruntled students(and their sires) make you lose faith in what you are doing. Too many who say nothing are thrilled to be around you and your program....they are lucky to have both of you wonderful men in their lives.
Thank you folks...Of course you are right. My question is: Steve, how do you drop it? I am FINALLY relaxing, but I have had a few days of upset stomach and messed up sleep. Why can't I figure a way to cope?
I found a good quote for you....
"Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence."— Robert Frost
Bandguy,
I find that time is what relaxes me. I don't get over it as soon as I should and I do have restless nights. I talk to people I trust, a lot. I'm sure some of them would run if they could when they see me.
Bike rides help, even if it is the 5 minutes in the dark coming home from practice.
I guess I rationalize also. If it doesn't hurt a bit, then I need to quit. One of my sons helped me realize that it is okay to be passionate about something.
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